He Said – The Truth Hurts

I’m trying really hard to not feel guilty about how much I’ve disrupted her life. We both took pride in the way we (supposedly) communicated openly and honestly with each other . . .

He Said – As I Understand Me

Once again, I’m debating with myself about the notion of willfully giving myself over to a “higher power” for my recovery. As I’ve said before, I’m not prone to placing responsibility for the things that I’ve done, and the things that I need to do, on something that exists outside of me . . .

She Said – Stranger in a Familiar Land

I think I’ve said this before, but I don’t feel at home anywhere. Not in my own home, not in the life that we had created together. It’s easy to say, “my husband is an alcoholic,” and people nod as if they know what that means. But it has nothing to do with the alcohol. It has to do with the lies and deceit that went in to both needing and nurturing the relationship with alcohol.

He Said – Pleased to Meet Me

I’ve thought a lot about, and written about, the fact that I’ve “lost myself” as a result of my continuous suppression of underlying issues of depression, anxiety, insecurity, etc., that were further suppressed by alcohol consumption……

She Said – I Need A Drink

I’m at a conference tonight with something like 1,000 brilliant women, none of whom I know, all of whom seem to know each other vicariously through various semi-anonymous actions they take in their semi-professional lives, publicly, with the sole intent of being noticed because they know that they have something interesting to say. I am not totally convinced that I belong here. I am oddly shy. (Not odd at all, if you really know me.) My voice is slow and loud and low in my own head. I don’t want to be here. I am way out of my comfort zone.

I need an f’ing drink….

She Said – Addiction Is Addiction, Damn It.

It’s a gorgeous day here today. Sun is shining and all that hallmark crap that would imply singing Blue Birds spreading melodic joy into the open waiting souls of shiny happy people. Yah, well screw that, my car smells like cigarettes.

So really, I got in the car this morning and it smelled like cigarettes. I do not have words for how much I hate cigarettes, but that’s just my thing, and I get that. But here’s what is happening now and then, he is smoking instead of drinking.

Excuse me! What the F is the difference? None. At least that’s how I see it.

Alcohol is not the core problem with alcoholism…….

He Said – Humility

The last several AA meetings that I’ve been to have included extensive discussions on what it means to be humble, and what are the benefits of humility in one’s life. The discussions centered on the 7th Step, which states “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings” . . .

She Said – Finding Peaceful Places

I was happy for a lot of the last couple days. I was also angry for a few chunks. No, not angry, more like resentful. No, not resentful either, just…. I think that my husband’s alcoholism and depression (they are so intertwined) has robbed me of the definitions that I used to use to figure out when I am and how I feel and what I’m doing.

Today, as we get ready to send our daughter off to camp….

He Said – The Best Liars

People who are engaging in behavior that they don’t want to stop, and don’t want others to know about, become masters of deception. I think this is particularly true of drinkers, because there is so much they have to conceal . . .

She Said – In One Piece

I dropped our daughter off for a playdate today and was greeted by two good friends, standing in the sun amidst the gleeful squeal of children so happy to see each other. “How are you doing?” I was asked by my friend. “Ya know, I’m in one piece, and right now, that’s all I’m asking of myself.”…..