She Said – I Need A Drink
July 17, 2008
I’m at a conference tonight with something like 1,000 brilliant women, none of whom I know, all of whom seem to know each other vicariously through various semi-anonymous actions they take in their semi-professional lives, publicly, with the sole intent of being noticed because they know that they have something interesting to say. I am not totally convinced that I belong here. I am oddly shy. (Not odd at all, if you really know me.) My voice is slow and loud and low in my own head. I don’t want to be here. I am way out of my comfort zone.
I need an f’ing drink.
Oh, wait, no I don’t, I have my work persona I can put on. She is witty and funny and charming and smart and people like her. I’ll just be her.
But I’ll have a drink anyway, just for good measure.
So here’s my question. What makes this different, in any way, from what “he” does? It’s an honest question. To be clear, I see nothing wrong with my behavior. I had a glass of wine at the first cocktail party. Then another at the next one. It is now a little after 9:00 and I am in bed (alone) writing about it.
Is the difference that I am wondering if it’s okay – rather than either blindly doing it repetitively and / or beating myself up with the need to hide it? Is it just that I had a killer long day and truly didn’t know anyone at this huge conference, unlike a party where they were all my friends and I still couldn’t get comfortable?
What makes those of us who CAN drink in such situations so different from those who CAN’T?
For the most part, I know that people like me, think I’m cool, smart, funny, all of those things. And I believe that I am too. But I’m not always in the mood, ya know. Sometimes I just want to be in bed (alone) writing. And that’s when I tend to want a drink…..
Anyway, it’s an honest question. What makes it different? I know that it is, I just don’t know why.
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1. Victoria | July 18, 2008 at 9:51 am
Because you are not an alcoholic. You can have one, two drinks casually and call it a night where as your partner was drinking all day, everyday, and hiding it. There is a very big difference.
So guess you would have to ask yourself, do you “need” to have a drink every night at bedtime or do you “want” one.
2. askyourmother | July 18, 2008 at 6:03 pm
I NEED TO BE CLEAR THAT “HE” WAS NOT DRINKING ALL DAY EVERY DAY. HE WASN’T EVEN DRINKING EVERY DAY.
it’s just that it controlled him rather than the other way around!
3. Victoria | July 19, 2008 at 12:29 am
oppss..sorry, I guess reading both your blogs I just assumed that was the case…my bad =\
4. Jen | July 19, 2008 at 8:48 am
Hi. I saw your post on the blogher blog. Last year I was at Blogher in Chicago. Like you I am fairly shy and found being surrounded by lots of people who all knew each other fairly awful. But what I really could not take was the drinking culture. From the “I’m drinking at” badges to the parties which were really just about the booze, I felt terribly excluded. I ended up skipping the entire conference (thank heavens I brought my BFF and did not brave it alone!) and consciously made the decision not to go this year.
I am one of those who can’t drink and while my life is structured such that I do not normally care, the whole “I’m drinking at” thing made me deeply envious of those who can (even this weekend I’m all twitchy because I feel like I’m missing out on a good opportunity and a great city (I even booked myself to go to SF on another weekend just so I’d not miss out entirely). And I hate that feeling of drink envy. So I avoid it.
So there is no difference between how you are feeling and how I felt. The difference is that you CAN have a couple of glasses of wine to take off the edge. You can stop where I (and he) can’t. But those feelings you are feeling, as far as I am concerned, those are sadly universal!
All the best. It’s such a fab city. And there are a lot of great women there. I’m checking out your other blogs and happy to have found a voice that resonates.
5. Babybloomr | July 19, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Same conference, similar feelings.
I am more than a little surprised that I am talking so much less than I usually do, and hanging back around the edges so much more than I EVER do. At any rate, I have now perfected ‘the fake cell phone call’ that I use whenever I feel weird and don’t want to walk right up to strangers and start exchanging blog cards! What is that about? Haven’t decided if it’s my newbie status, or some latent shyness I haven’t really been in touch with since middle school, or the fact that for the first time in my life I am self-consciously aware of my age.
Maybe I’m used to getting more attention in my ‘real life’ than I am here…? Oh lordy, I hope that’s not it. That’s such an unbearably unattractive trait ina person.
. *cough*thebloggess*cough*
Enjoyed meeting you today, wish I had sooner.
Now you’ll have to excuse me while I take this call…
6. Sugar | July 20, 2008 at 9:30 am
Hey Lady! I sure am glad you came. I was feeling out of my comfort zone a bit as well, but my old networking training sort of took over. I was so thankful to be in the Beautiful Blogging session and to get to know you and all the other beautiful (if a bit broken) bloggers. I felt like, YES! These women get it! I know there’s a lot of fun and money to be had… and maybe that will come along, as well. But what we talked about… that’s where my heart is. And I can see that it’s where yours is as well. I feel blessed to have met you and to have heard your words. Thanks so so much. Very awesome…