She Said – Finding Peaceful Places

I was happy for a lot of the last couple days. I was also angry for a few chunks. No, not angry, more like resentful. No, not resentful either, just…. I think that my husband’s alcoholism and depression (they are so intertwined) has robbed me of the definitions that I used to use to figure out when I am and how I feel and what I’m doing.

Today, as we get ready to send our daughter off to camp….

He Said – The Best Liars

People who are engaging in behavior that they don’t want to stop, and don’t want others to know about, become masters of deception. I think this is particularly true of drinkers, because there is so much they have to conceal . . .

She Said – In One Piece

I dropped our daughter off for a playdate today and was greeted by two good friends, standing in the sun amidst the gleeful squeal of children so happy to see each other. “How are you doing?” I was asked by my friend. “Ya know, I’m in one piece, and right now, that’s all I’m asking of myself.”…..

He Said – What’s This About?

This web log started as a dialogue about alcoholism, and will remain so on many levels. My hope is that it becomes more than that. There are many ways to learn the ins and outs of the life of an alcoholic. You can attend AA meetings, Al-Anon meetings, read countless articles on the subject, etc. While I know that alcoholism is a disease, like cancer, I don’t believe that it is autonomous . . .

He Said – Dependency

It’s true. I’ve always depended on other people and other things to cope. Why should I do things that someone else can do better, and I can just rely on that? The automatic thought being that SOMEONE ELSE CAN DO IT BETTER. Why try to cope with those feelings? That’s too stressful, and it won’t get me anywhere anyway. I could just drink, and at least make it SEEM better for a while . . .

She Said – Is This What They Mean By Co-Dependent?

So here’s what I’ve come to realize – in no small part due to his post yesterday – people who are dependent on things are dependent on things. I know, in and of itself that’s hardly a revelation, but bear with me.

He is so smart, creative, kind, generous, gorgeous, etc….. He doesn’t, in any way, fit the description of what I would have thought a co-dependent person was. You know, he’s not weak. And he’s certainly not manipulative, not intentionally anyway.

But I was reading his post from yesterday, and there it was…….

He Said – Bottling It In

I was a shy kid. Never really comfortable with myself. Stayed close to my parents. I was very quiet. Not outwardly expessive. A lot of my personality came out through artwork. Whenever I experienced something stressful or frustrating, I would often depict the situation in a drawing, or in some other visual form, as a way to work through it. I was a follower……..

She Said – I Hate Guilt

Is there anything more useless than guilt? Feeling guilty accomplishes nothing, and takes some good self-talking-too to work your way out of. At the end of it, I usually end up affirming my own right to happiness and remembering that I can’t hinder it just because someone else isn’t affirming their own right to happiness. But it still feels like eating fermented dog poop one spoonful at a time until i get it down and purge it out and flush it away as it should be…….

He Said – AA & God/Higher Power

Something I’ve been struggling with the most in the context of trying to find my place in the 15-20 AA meetings that I’ve attended in the last 5 weeks is the notion of accepting GOD as my guide and savior. I’ve never been a dedicated believer in the existence of GOD…….

She Said – Al Anon Meetings

I have two Al Anon meetings under my belt now. They say to try at least 6 before you decide if it’s “for you” or not. So I’m willing to try. But I just don’t know. If I were a betting woman (they have 12 step programs for that, ya know) I’d guess that I’ll find a few people that I like and befriend them. I’ve never been a “joiner,” I’m flat-out allergic to anything that feels like group think or prescripted think, so….